Miserable, yet Happy

Have you ever had a day where you felt just plain miserable?
That nothing in the entire world can cheer you up?

Well my friends, that happened to me last evening/ today.

I dwell on things like it is nobody's business.

And man oh man does it ever mess me up.

I personally, worry about, my problems, my friend's problems, the world's problems and everything in between. And let's be honest, I do it all the time, and it practically rips my heart straight out of my chest everytime.

And another thing you may not know, is that I am always trying to bear everyone else's problems as well as my own, in effort for them not to feel as much pain.

Now, as you all know from past blogs, I have lost a friend over this past year. And it really has changed my life.

Not only am I super super super super super careful what I tell people, because of past events I have major trust issues.

Last night, after all the kids had left camp, I decided to have hardcore heart to heart with my best friend and a guy so close to me I call him my brother.

Now McGillivary and I only met last summer, but we seem to have a simple understanding with eachother. He is there for me, no matter what, and I am there for him in the same way. we have only been friends for about a year now, but when it comes to McGillivary, he has a certain air about him that makes me know that I am able to trust him.

Last night, we started talking because as soon as everyone had left, I felt a sense of loss, and of sadness, which to me, was unexplainable. Or so I thought.

This however was easily proved wrong by my brother.

We talked some casual funny stuff first, while the guitar music of a friend lingered in the background, lulling us deeper into conversation.

First came up the topic of the lost friend, and to be honest, I lost it. McGillivary hugged me, and just told me it was okay, and that everything was fine. To be honest, I couldn't have asked for anything better in that situation.

The second topic was even more touchy for me... imagine.

Let's get a bit of background on the second topic before I continue.

I had one huge of an idiot of a boyfriend before my now current boyfriend. He was... interesting, and was pretty much a huge jerk and anyway, I haven't really seen/ talked to him for at least 3 years ( my choice indefinitely).

I worked at camp this week, as you may have read in my previous blog, he randomly showed up on thrusday night. I was freaking out. I told all my friends ( mostly the guys) and more or less, didn't leave McGillivary's side the entire evening.

McGillivary in fact was practicing his throwing against a tree, and it made my day, in fact my whole.

The second topic was in fact my ex, we didn't date for very long, but I tell you it was a screwed up thing, and I am glad that I have grown up so much since that time.

Never had I really really cried about this screwed up relationship. But McGillivary sat there and listened. He heard me out, he understood what I was feeling. And that to me, was a real gift.

I never realized how amazing it is to have a friend who truly understands you.

I never thought that after the loss of such a good and close friend, I would have an even better friendship. But you know what, I do.

I am actually glad that I became miserable for that time, because it made me even more thankful for what I have, who I have become, and who I will become in the future.

That is all.

Westie <3