I always thought I knew where I was going in life, I have an amazing family, awesome friends and fantastic opportunities.
But lately my opinions and ideas have been changing, and I don't mean just a little bit. I am not meaning the way I see my future going, like my path of my education I have chosen, I mean in the way I should be approaching things that will be coming my way.
I have been at Camp Wildwood this week, and have been enjoying my time here, immensely. It is such a fond memory to always come back here and revisit the place where I grew stronger in my walk with God.
I chose not to work at camp this past summer due to financial reasons in regards to my University education. I am now wondering, if I made the right choice.
Once I got here, I saw how happy I was again to be living, to be experiencing and to be interacting with all the camp related activities and people. It felt good to be home. Camp will always be a second home for me.
I thought I was going to have a rough time re-entering my "persona" here at camp. I wasn't sure if I would be able to relate to what I had left so many months ago.
As it turns out, I was wrong. Camp this week has been a real growing experience, I have missed God in my life this summer. I never realized it so much until I made my way back here again after so long. Before I came back here, that Sunday before I left, I felt lifeless, lifeless and un spirited. And I was, I was going through the motions of "shift work". And I never really liked my job this summer.
On Sunday night, just the first night of camp, my soul came back, I was becoming more comfortable, and I was becoming me again. I didn't live the way I was supposed to this summer, and I realize this now. God needed to be in my life. I needed him there with me. Instead, I left him alone, while he asked, "Sharilyn, my child where are you? You need me, I know you do". But I always ignored him. Now, I realize my mistake. I realize that I had been foolish. I made the wrong choice to try and live without God, when really, I needed him every step of the way.
Last evening, I had an experience like no other. The guys and girls were seperated into two groups. I opened the Vespers for the girls with a few songs. And felt God's hand right on my shoulder. I knew that right there, things were going to be emotional and heartfelt. I was right,
We had two people share their testimonies, and well as those being powerful, a girl from my cabin shared her story, she lives in a group home, and had had so many experiences that I couldn't even comprehend. I closed with a song, that help so very appropriate, before I move on I want to share a few of those words from the song with you.
"Hungry I come to you, for I know, you satisfy, I am weary, but I know your touch does not run dry.
So I wait for you, so I wait for you!
I'm falling on my knees, offering all of me, Jesus you all this heart, if living for".
I knew that I had made the right choice for the song. And with everything that had happened, I knew that I had been touched myself with the stories that had been told.
As I went back towards the lodge, I felt overcome with sadness. I was torn, and couldn't even relate to what had happened. My friend Reddy came to me and asked if I was okay, I just looked at him, I my eyes filled with tears. I couldn't pretend any longer. He put his arms around me, and I cried into his shoulder. It was a very emotional time for me.
I could hardly believe myself. I was just so sad, I could hardly relate to this girl. I had so much, and complained about so much. Just today I found out that she was only 13 years old. It was awful. Her little sister, is only 7 which makes things so much worse. Hopefully she won't have the same fate.
Things only got more emotional. My friend that I call my brother was deeply saddened. I thanked Reddy for what he did and I ran off to catch up with my brother.
I finally caught up with him at the lodge. He was silenced with sadness. I asked him 3 questions.
"Are you okay?"- silence and shakes head
"Do you want to be left alone?"- shakes head no
"Do you want me to stay with you?"- shakes head yes.
We then began to talk and he told me his story, And let me tell you, everything that happened ripped my heart out. He has cancer again, he is struggling with a heart problem, and he blames it all on himself.
Here I began to cry, and cry. I sat with him for a while, and we sat close together. As I stroked his arm, and prayed for him, my eyes released salty tears. I couldn't help it. I love him, he is my best friend, and I don't want to loose him as my friend.
Eventually my friend MacLeod came over and took him away. I was extremely happy with this because, MacLeod is so much wiser than me. And I realized that the fact that he is a guy could help him relate even more so to his struggles and unhappiness.
Sometimes I question myself, and wonder if I really know what is going to happen in my future, or even how the next day or minute of my life is going to go. I now realize that i never will know, but there is something that can help me.
What can help me from not knowing what to say or do is God. This week has been a blessing for me and now I have a lot more decisions to make that will effect my future.
I really wanted to share that with you all.
That is all.
Westie<3
