Change. It is something I have gotten used to over the past few months because of grad and whatnot.
But there is always some sort of change that I never want to experience. Mostly involving friends.
The thing about friends is that they get older, and so do you, so that old bffl thing can actually be a total farce. I know this for a fact, because it happen to me recently.
I don't want to go into detail about what happened, but long short of it was that decisions were made, people got hurt, and I was left without a best friend, and since then, neither of us have talked, and to be brutally honest, I think it should stay that way, for a very long long time. Either till I decide to be a complete push over and decide that our past friendship is worth something or worth rekindling, or if that person makes some decisions themselves.
The point that I am trying to make here is that friends are great, yes they are, I'm not saying anything against having them because I have a lot of amazing friends, but trust is surely and issue in friendship, and if that in non existant, well, let's just say, you should see the signs, I certainly wish I had.
People tried to warn me, for months and months, at first I thought it was just jealously of a friendship that I had with this person, but I soon found out that was not the case, and that my friends were very much right
I have learned a lot from this experience. Somethings however, I would have rather to have had them later, especially when things that were so important were happening in my life. I would have liked to be uninvolved with the entire ordeal, but because of the friendship I had with the individual, I felt it was my right to fight, when really I should have done what I am doing now, back down, and letting that person live their own life.
I know, that probably sounds cowardly, but assure you me, it was the best option. It was the option that allowed for me to stop getting hurt. To stop having to have an empty pit in my stomach wondering how I could fix everything.
Things have gotten better since I have just let life move on in my own direction. Better perhaps. I saw this person the other day, I felt no regret to what I did, I knew what I did was right, whether the effects of it were positive or not.
I sometimes wonder how that person feels, but I often find myself stopping my thoughts realizing how uncomplicated my life has become since then and realize that it was probably for the better... but I will always remember this time, the time I lost a friend for reasons that I could not control.
"It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew"That is All.
Westie<3
ps. Sorry these have been slightly sad-ish lately I have more great stories to tell!
Wife,
ReplyDeleteYour blog is epic.
Change is a slightly sad and slightly exciting thing to experience (and this is just the beginning). I went through the exact same thing in my grad year - only it was a group of girls and not just one friend.
Usually when people see you growing up, they feel threatened because they know they aren't making the same progression. Don't take it personally and keep your pride and keep going with your head in the clouds. People love you.
"The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way. All my life I have been changing. I changed from a baby to a child, from soft toys to play daggers. I changed into a teenager to drive a car, into a worker to spend some money. I will change into a husband to love a woman, into a father to love a child, change houses so we are near water, and again so we are near mountains, and again so we are near friends, keep changing with my wife, getting our love so it dies and gets born again and again, like a garden, fed by four seasons, a cycle of change. Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons."
-Donald Miller.
LOVE YOU